So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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