I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
