i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
