you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
