if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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