went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I just put wine in my tea
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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