Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
