Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
