it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
