Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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