Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know her cup size but not her name....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
