Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
