so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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