Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
