god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
