I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize