whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wanna go halves on a baby?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize