If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
