is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
