Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize