why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
