I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize