you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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