somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
