How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She bit a glass in half.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
