don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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