I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
