I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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