Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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