I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
