forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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