it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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