We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
