four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
