I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
