so explain again why im purple
no
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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