did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
