if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
