It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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