I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
