I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
please don't ironically join a cult
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