I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
