did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
