She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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