i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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