So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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