Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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