Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you will always have a special place in my vag
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
