i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
