it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
