i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
