i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
