you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think people are normalizing furries
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize