every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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