why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
