Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
