none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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