yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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