Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
