i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
