It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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