Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
