did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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