I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He passed out mid-signature
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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