Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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