just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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