how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
