I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
