So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm having to shit out rocks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
