I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
