You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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