it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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