Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
