Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
