She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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