Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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