Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
