She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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