I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
