Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize