dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
