i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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