Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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