I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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