It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize