i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My balls are so social today.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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