boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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