Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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