textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up under a house in Key West
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