opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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