I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
