chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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