someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
