i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
