oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
