it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
