I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
