if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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