This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
