I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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