I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize