so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
