Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
