Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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